Category Archives: Loss

Gin and Letting Go

Posted on December 19, 2020 by Pamela Hester King

My dad drank Bombay.  Bombay gin on the rocks. “Not Sapphire”, which he thought was too strong and ruined the flavor, and repeated emphatically.  He drank it twice a year, maybe thrice. His birthday on the 19th of February, and Christmas. Very … Continue reading →

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Sometimes is Every Autumn

Posted on September 26, 2020 by Pamela Hester King

Sometimes I’m so sad I need a moment. It doesn’t last a minute. My eyes rim with tears. They don’t hit my cheek. I hear my thoughts, collect myself and say, “This isn’t helpful. What might be?” I think of … Continue reading →

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Healing

Posted on June 12, 2020 by Pamela Hester King

Today Facebook reminded me that five years ago I made a post on my late husband’s birthday. He was 73 on that day. I didn’t need reminding. I already knew he’d be 78 today. I remembered yesterday, and this morning … Continue reading →

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Hope Lost

Posted on March 27, 2019 by Pamela Hester King

Suicide is the loss of belief that any day, or hour to come will be better, or that current unrelenting pain will abate, or be ameliorated even slightly. It is surrender to the belief that every moment will be as … Continue reading →

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Don’t Give Up

Posted on February 5, 2019 by Pamela Hester King

Last year after the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain I published a post titled, “And Then There’s Suicide”, seeking to shine a light on the legacy suicide leaves for its survivors. Super Bowl Sunday Kristoff St. John was added to … Continue reading →

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What We Don’t Know Until We Do

Posted on October 9, 2018 by Pamela Hester King

Doing the mall crawl, laughing with Bestie. Bam! I was crying. And I didn’t know why. It wasn’t a drip, drip, seeping cry but a sneaker wave that washed over me. We sat down on a mall bench flanked by … Continue reading →

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And Then There’s Suicide

Posted on July 9, 2018 by Pamela Hester King

There is no “worst” thing about suicide because it’s all the worst. Every aspect, every horror, every guilt, every wish for a do-over; the keening of every parent whose child has chosen it, the longing for a lifetime of every … Continue reading →

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Red Light, Green Light, In Between Light

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Pamela Hester King

A day or two before New Years Eve my grandmother called me. She wanted to know how I was feeling. And doing. My infant daughter had died in October. My mom’s dad in September. My other grandfather, her husband, months … Continue reading →

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Body Surf

Posted on September 25, 2012 by Pamela Hester King

Remember when I mentioned that sometimes I bulldoze my way in with thoughts and recommendations? Yeah? Today I share some of those because they’ve been important to me. Maybe for you, too. You’ll know. So, here is something I learned … Continue reading →

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My Down and Dirty

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Pamela Hester King

I didn’t know it’s Suicide Prevention Awareness Week. Didn’t even know it existed. Seems like something I’d know, doesn’t it? So sue me. I’m aware of the Out of Darkness overnight walk. My son and I occasionally say, Next year we’ll do … Continue reading →

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